Who am I?

I often think did I choose to be born a in India? Did I choose to be a born a Catholic? Did I choose to be a female?
What if I were born in some other state in India? Or in some other continent? What if I were born in a family that spoke different a language?
There seem to be so many possibilities and it overwhelming by the amount of choices I am faced each day I encounter a new situation or a new person in my life.
I can't help but admit that my current perspective on life, my attitudes are shaped by the conditioning of living in certain kinds of environments. And yet, when I meet somebody different I have preconceived ideas and prejudices - I think they offer the comfort of how to deal with others.

I read somewhere, within five minutes of being born a baby is given a name and religion which he/she ends up defending all its life. This is so true - I have to explain my name to almost every person I meet - will have to write more about in another blog post.

Paying for cancer

Who is paying for cancer?

Is it the patient? Yes if you consider that the patient pays with his/her or life. With time away from work. With time spent in the hospital in pain and suffering. Yes if you consider that as a grandparent you will not be able to hold your grandchild in a months time. Or as a parent you will not be able to see your daughter walk down the aisle or see the joy in your son's face as he beholds his bride walk down toward him. Or maybe as a mother to be you might not live to complete your term or even worse as a parent watch your child die knowing that you did all you could in your mean to the point of mortgaging your house and on the verge of being homeless.

Is it the family? The spouse that pays for treatments from the savings for retirement that might never happen together. The vacation that was planned and saved for years and now seems completely silly

Is it the doctor? Treating and caring impossibly for sometimes 40 patients everyday? Negotiating the best possible treatment for them? Being on call all the time - working all days of the week and 24X7 even distant from own family?

Is it the insurance company? In trying to decide which section of the patient population gets which therapy. Who gets the latest approved drug and which is the best form of chemotherapy for the patient?
is this a

Is it the government? Providing low cost drugs? Subsidies?

Is it the researchers? Slogging day in and day out hoping that they might find the cure for cancer?

Is it the pharma company?

Is it you and me? Paying your premiums and taxes so that someone somewhere can be funded through their insurance for a treatment that might prolong their life by a month?

At the end of the day who is actually paying for cancer?

This blog post was inspired after attending a mini symposium organized by the medical officers at work on cancer practice in the community setting.

 

Being minimalistic

Am thinking of starting a new blog titled, Reflections, or Musings of a Busy Mind.
I am often plagued with a deluge of so many thoughts all through the day and often feel that putting them down somewhere would be a great idea. I am trying to go minimalistic - in the sense that have as little belongings as possible, especially after my recent move, I realized that I have hoarded A LOT of stuff that I am yet to finish sorting. Will have to write more on that later. And so I don't want to add more paper to the clutter.
Writing on the blogsphere has the pros of not having to actually store the information on my computer. My only concern is that this might grow into something beautiful and then I might have consider paying money for the service, and I can/should write an article on how I love to find ways to not spend money!

Quotable quotes

Not sure when I made a note of these quotes in my little black notebook. Loved rereading them and thought of putting them up on my blog.

Every heart hath its own ache - T. Fuller

When no wind blows even the weather vane has character - Stanislaw

Heaven is above us yet, there sits a judge that no king can corrupt - W. Shakespeare

God gave burdens, also shoulders - Yiddish Proverb

The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits - Anonymous


More recently I came across this on discipline
Discipline is the difference between choosing what one wants now and what one needs the most.

 

Perspectives on family and relationships

It often happens when I speak with my family that mostly on the phone that something dawns on me about my relationship with them.

I want to be mindful of relationship baggage and try not to let it define my own experiences and perceptions of the the person. I don't know as yet how to process the information provided by others of a person in forming my own opinion. Positive or negative experieinces from other people with a person and not false - but at the same time there is some inherent bias - I will have to figure out for my self this talent to sieve the facts the truth from opinions provided by the other.
I guess this is where the gift of Wisdom from the Holy Spirit could be used liberally - to be able to simply know not having to guess!

dai ski da - I love you in Japanese

When did this all begin?

As I went to sleep the other night I began to wonder about how much importance we give in life to what we do, what we say, what we own and don't about our theories and our vehemence in proving them right or wrong.

It led me to think about our theory of evolution and how it does not agree with the religion. It led me to think about what is all this life all about? What is life?
What is the difference between me and a corpse - the Breathe! It led me to wonder if we have discovered as yet the means to create life! How can one possibly create something that is living? What is it that brings about life? And then I was overcome in this overwhelming feeling of awe - it just seems to be impossible to create life!
My body right now moves around because it is living - and I am limited only by what I think. Which means we are all capable of doing so many things - being whatever we want to be. And yet at the end of the day what does this all lead to? What does it mean to die? What does it mean to be born? When did I take birth - when my first cell was formed in the womb? But then the cell was living in my mothers body long before that. Infact all the egg cells lie in a dormant state of life and are released once a girl reaches puberty. So then my living cell was in existence since my mother was born, which means that her cell was living even before...what does this mean? I have been in existence all this while?
My mind could not wrap itself around this idea - and it brought new meaning to living for all eternity! So what does it mean to die? Does it put an end to this existence of life? I need to read more - not sure how I got into such philosophy!

Why do I doubt? Am I loving enough?

What is the opposite of Fear? Courage, strength, hope....none of them. Love is the answer, I did not know it until I read this book about three months ago. And what is it that we use to describe God, one word that embodies all that He is for us - yes it is Love.
Now I knew both these facts -  the latter for years actually; since my high school when it was drilled that God loves us no matter what. I have been working on my relationship with God for quite sometime now and realized that there was something missing - that it could be better. This morning as I was trying to keep a steady pace on the treadmill my mind was racing through multiple thoughts (nothing new about that!) and then I focused on my current fears in life. I doubted my life in the Summer, my abilities to complete the program, my grades, my weight.... And then it struck me like a thunderbolt. Why am I doubting? Why am I fearful? If I claim to love God then there should not be any of this! I realized that my loving was not good enough - I needed to love with a deeper trust knowing that God loves me so much that he will only give me the best, that I need not fear what the future holds for me, that he has only the best things in store for me. It was such a liberating feeling that it instantly made me cry. I never felt such comfort before. I realise now that all that God asks of me is to trust in His love. I will never be able to have perfect love like his but nothing should stop me from experiencing His.
I resolved to do my best everyday, work hard and trust that all that happens in my life, everyone who enters my life is in fulfillment of the divine mechanism. Looking out for and feeling Gods presence in every moment is the key to staying focused and the next time I doubt or am anxious or tense or fearful I know exactly where I am going wrong!!